can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
