if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
