I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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