I got chris browned last night
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
