fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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