last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
even my farts smell like vagina
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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