i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
