i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
