WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need to sanitize my soul.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
