I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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