She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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