Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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