remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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