He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
