my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
