I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
