How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
