OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
