How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
