# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
