I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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