So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
