Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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