Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
