Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
