I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
