I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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