Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That's how pantless uber rides happen
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
