fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
