Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
