Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
