if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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