I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
