that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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