Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
