i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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