My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
