Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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