break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
