I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
