I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
