Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
