i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
