In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
