If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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