so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
