I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
