These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
