Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I met the friendliest cop last night
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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