Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
