Just fell off a train. Bad.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
