i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
