So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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