hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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