i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
